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A
Different Drummer 
Back to Basic Toys
Family
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Help Your Child Make Friends
Moving and Your
Child
My Son's Best
Friend is a Rat
Ordinary
Discards The Paper
Route
Piercing the Barriers
The Chore
Game
Whose Dream
Is It?
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A DIFFERENT DRUMMER
by Susan
Taylor Brown
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"Mom, I can't find
my baseball glove."
I looked up as my
eight-year-old daughter, Jennifer, came into the room. She had on her
uniform but her feet were bare. Her hat was nowhere in sight. And the
baseball game started in twenty minutes.
"It's on the floor
in your closet," I told her. "Don't forget your shoes." And hat, I
added silently as she trudged away.
She came back with
her hat jammed in her glove and carrying her shoes, minus the socks.
"Hurry up,
Jennifer, or you'll be late."
"I don't want to
play anymore," she mumbled.
"Sure you do," I
insisted. "You always have fun once you get there."
"I don't like
baseball, Mom."
I don't like
baseball. Where have I heard those words before? Substitute any other
sport or group activity, and the message was the same. Jennifer didn't
like baseball or dance or swimming or soccer. Not piano or sewing or
gymnastics or Brownies. I knew what was coming next so I braced myself
for her words.
"I want to quit,"
she said, right on schedule.
"And do what?" I
asked, wondering what new activity had captured her interest.
"Nothing," she told
me. "You always make me do something. Why can't I just do nothing?"
I thought of her
older brother and the many activities he participated in. He was
happiest when he had to race from school to baseball practice then to
karate class. His self-esteem rose as he learned to work with a team
and he improved his coordination skills. I wanted these things for my
daughter too.
"Everyone needs a
hobby or sport," I told her.
"Why?" Jennifer
shook her head and sat down on the floor. The baseball game was long
forgotten. This was a puzzle she intended to solve.
"I just don't
understand," she said. "Don't you like me the way I am?"
"Of course I do. I
love you." I reached out to give her a hug, but she pulled away.
"Is there something
wrong with me you have to fix? Why do I have to BE something other than
ME? Why can't I just hang out with my friends and play?"
I considered the
possibilities. No more team practice. No more playing taxi driver. No
fighting, whining, complaining. No dollars down the drain for costumes,
entry fees and uniforms that won't be used. The concept boggled the
mind. There were no guidelines in my parent handbook for this situation.
"You don't want to
do anything?" I asked again. "What about tennis lessons?"
"Nothing," she
insisted with an emphatic shake of her head. "I just want to play like
I used to, you know, when I was little. Can I, Mom, please?"
I shrugged. Why
not? I thought. What do we have to lose?
As it turns out, we
lost a daughter who was miserable. In her place we got to see a young
and carefree girl truly enjoying her childhood. With the release of
pressure to perform, Jennifer began to blossom into the self-confident
child I had always hoped hid somewhere within. No longer forced to be
athletic, she soon ran laps in an effort to keep up with her brother.
She ran for fun, fired with the knowledge she could stop any time she
wanted.
Baseball games no longer brought tears and frustration. Jennifer liked
going to watch her brother play. She packed a quilt, a few books and
maybe some toys. In between making bubble gum runs to the snack shack
for her brother and his friends, she socialized with the other kids at
the games.
She played tag and
whiffle ball. She danced and cheered and did cartwheels to the beat of
the rap music on her radio. And her skills and coordination grew. Those
same skills I had thought she could only learn when playing team sports.
Without tests or
team competition, without measuring herself against the performance of
other kids, Jennifer pushed herself to be the best eight-year-old kid
she could be.
I learned that the
need to achieve at something is important, but so is the need to listen
to your child, no matter how discordant the beat of their particular
drum sounds to your ears.
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Susan Taylor Brown
is the author of books for children including Can I Pray With My Eyes Open?, Oliver's
Must-Do List, and Robert
Smalls Sails to Freedom.
You can read more about her at:
http://www.susantaylorbrown.com
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This
article is
offered to any Parenting Publications as free content for you to
reprint.
All I ask is that you keep the bio information about me
(above) with the article.
I would appreciate
it if you would write and let
me know where it is being used. |
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A
Different Drummer
Back to Basic Toys
Family
Mailbox
Help Your Child Make Friends
Moving and Your
Child
My Son's Best
Friend is a Rat
Ordinary
Discards
The Paper
Route
Piercing the Barriers
The Chore
Game
Whose Dream
Is It?
|
